"Look alive, sunshine!"

I’m addressing Sydney’s first birthday party invitations tonight. Where does the time go? They say time flies when you’re having fun, but I think it flies regardless so you might as well have fun.

And tomorrow is our 10th wedding anniversary. Again, with the time…? I’m happy to say that we’ve really made the most of our lives together. We waited until 8.5 years of marriage to decide the time was right to shop for baby stuff. Before I was pregnant with Sydney, friends would (boldly) tell us that we’ll wish we had children sooner. That it’s so much fun and the best thing ever.

Sydney IS the best and we are so blessed to be her parents; but you have to be ready for the total life transformation that being a (good) parent involves. And before Sydney, I wasn’t. God knew it would be enough of a growth opportunity for us “later in life” that He granted us those years to just focus on each other.

But wow, is she a joy. Oh my gosh. We had some super-tough times with her colic at first, but once that was gone, she was really born. Now, she lives out loud.  If she had a motto, it would be “Look alive, sunshine!” I’m in complete awe of her.

Tad and I had talks about family and kids before we ever started dating. We both highly valued our families and wanted children. One night when we went for margaritas as friends, Tad drew his family’s Thanksgiving table on a cocktail napkin, identifying who each plate represented and what traditions were held. I fell in love with him that day.  

I married him, in part, because I knew I wanted him to father my children. He has exceeded my expectations. He brings such peace, love and easy fun to our little family. He thoroughly enjoys all the little things about Sydney in the same ways I do. He delights in his girls – me, Sydney, and McGehee.

We will celebrate Sydney’s first birthday with a little family get together. I’m excited not for the festivities so much as the richness of family, love, and goodness that will surround her.

And this weekend, Tad and I plan to recreate our wedding photo at St. Peter’s Church where we were married. But in place of my bouquet, I’ll hold Sydney.





"Look alive, Sunshine!", Feb 2013

 

Our little family, June 2012
 

 

 

Resolution of sorts

It’s never too late to be who you might have been.  

I bought a pencil case with this quote by George Eliot on it years ago. It sits on my desk at the office and has become “wallpaper”. Every now and then I look down at it and really see it.

I’m always inspired by the message, but never consciously take action on its meaning. But now it’s a resolution of sorts.

It’s never too late to apologize. Or forgive. It’s never too late to say thank you. To train for the half marathon. To volunteer. It’s never too late to be the person you’ve always wanted to be.

I want to be a light, growing in brightness, through which others can know the healing power of God.

This wasn’t who I always wanted to be. I wanted to be Susan Dey’s character on LA Law, or Angela Bower in Who’s the Boss. I wanted a full book of meetings and appointments. I wanted to wear business suits and carry a portfolio. I wanted to be in charge. And blonde.

How did I fail to realize it when I had all of these things? Granted, I was never a lawyer or owned my own ad agency, but I had all the things that made these women my role models. Maybe because it wasn’t who I was really meant to be.

In the New Year, here’s to the coming together of who you’ve always wanted to be and who you are meant to be. 

Finally, a very special THANK YOU to the supporters of Team Kim! I continue to be amazed at the family, friends and folks I don't know who are training, raising money, donating money, and coming from great distances to be a part of the cause. 

Sydney's first Christmas. Destin, FL.

Sydney's first trip to the beach. Photo by Thinh Nguyen.

Shout out to NY-Cee

Sydney + Joel = LOVE. Photo by Thinh Nguyen.

 

It's been a year

It was a year ago today I found out I had a brain tumor. I went in for the MRI, dressed to go on to work, not thinking it was anything. Afterwards, they asked me to stop in to see my neurologist across the hall. Still didn't think anything could be wrong. Never had an MRI before, so to me, this was standard operating procedure.

The doc saw me right away. He didn't mince words. It was a mass. A lesion. A tumor. A brain tumor.

I crumbled. How was I going to tell my family? They didn't deserve this worrisome burden.

Tad wasn't with me. Again, we really thought this was going to be nothing. So I was alone, trying to make sense of this life-changing information. My neurologist handed me a box of tissues and a referral to the neurosurgeon a few blocks away. "They'll squeeze you in if you go now," the doc said.

I considered calling Tad to join me at the neurosurgeon's office, but how do you call your beloved and say, "Hey. Can you meet me across town at Dr. So and So's office? He's a neurosurgeon. Because the MRI shows I have a brain tumor."

I worried he couldn't take the news and drive there without getting panicked, lost, or worse.

So I went to the appointment alone. I sat in the neurosurgeon's office with tears streaming down my face, but trying not to look like the girl who just got bad news. There were other patients waiting that I needed to be strong for (or so I thought). I read pamphlets on brain tumors in the waiting room. It was all so surreal.

Finally, after 45 min or so of waiting, the doctor saw me. He seemed very hopeful and tried to keep me calm and positive. I was 6 months pregnant after all. He told me that Elizabeth Taylor had a brain tumor once. And hers didn't take her life.

The appointment was over. I drove myself home. And called Tad to meet me at home. I can't remember if I told him over the phone or in person. I just remember him sitting with me on our sofa. The Christmas tree was up. We sat, cried, and hugged in disbelief.

Then I had to call the rest of my family. This was going to be awful. Needless to say it was gut-wrenching. To put them through so much, on the heels of Mom's scary cancer diagnosis, during Christmas; it wasn't fair.

It's hard to believe that was a year ago.

I've been very emotional this week, leading up to the one-year mark. But today, not sure why, I have my feet under me.  I suppose it's good to reflect on hard times to see how God stays with you, no matter what. To see how far He will bring you, if you just trust. To see how He will bless you, if you just look for Him. One day at a time.

Quick update

Hi everyone! Thanks for all your continued prayers, love and good wishes. They are working.

My first round of chemo (Nov 12 - Nov 16) went fine. No nausea, fatigue or other side effects that were too bad. Praise the Lord! We are living our lives, super excited about Christmas, and really enjoying SGB and all of our blessings.

Had my blood work done last Thursday to determine if the first round of chemo impacted my white blood cell count and if we can continue with the next round. All my labs looked good, so we'll start round two this week.

Please know how much your prayers mean to me and my family. We are so grateful to you and the good Lord!

Merry Christmas and lots of love!

Sydney, 8 months, loves to Christmas shop!

 

Sydney's first Christmas tree! The next shot was of her putting the needles she pulled off in her mouth. :-(

Impeccable news

"Your MRI looks terrific." "Impeccable." "One of the best I've ever seen". -- Dr. Alfredo Voloschin

Praise the Lord! My scan was clear!

I start chemo (Temodar) next week as a measure to prevent the growth of any abnormal cells. The doc said that 95% of patients do perfectly well on Temodar. Common side effects are nausea and fatigue. But it's really a pretty tolerable chemotherapy.

I'm so thankful for all your prayers! God is so good!

Much love and gratitude,
Kim

Truly living life

Before my diagnosis, I used to pray that God would help get me through the day. As a Type A personality, I was focused on being productive, successful, and accomplishing everything on my long list of to dos. My image needed to reflect that too. It was important to me to have the right clothes and the right answers.

I don't think any human being is created for this purpose (certainly not me), so I was constantly feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and sometimes depressed. Not to say that I didn't also have a great capacity to enjoy good times. I loved (and still do) parties, outdoor music shows, good food, good drink, vacations, fashion, celebrity gossip -- and mindless magazines about all of these things. But I don't rely on them as an antidote for my daily routine.

Now, I see things differently. Thank God. I don't take my life for granted or wish days away. I actually get what a gift life is -- even when it's not easy. In that way, my brain cancer has saved my life.

Tomorrow I get the results of my latest MRI. And start chemotherapy. No matter the results, I know I will be better off than before my diagnosis. That's the beauty of truly living life. Thanks be to God.

  

Sweet kitty at 7 months

 

 

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Radiation - DONE!

Today I had the last of my radiation treatments. 30 treatments – DONE!

While I’m so glad to be done, I will miss the extraordinary staff at Emory Winship who treated me. Dr. Crocker, Greg, Tech who always asked about Sydney, Mark, Orica (aka “Exercise Angel”) – you all have left a profound mark on my head (smile), and on my heart. I’m blessed to have been cared for by you all.

Me and the fab rad tech Greg Corn.
He used to joke that if he was a girl,
his parents would've named him Candy.

 

Today I opened the last links of my blessings chain. How wonderful it was to see this artwork from my nephew Joel with the words, “U made it!”

 

To all of you who have been praying that my treatments would be gentle and that God would carry me, your prayers were answered. Thanks be to God! When giving me my completion papers today, Dr. Crocker told me that most of his patients don’t do as well as I did. Without a doubt, I know it was the prayers.

I started back at work (part-time) last week, and wow – what a warm reception I came in to! Hugs, flowers, cards, special notes, balloons, and food!  Thank you to my dear friends at EMA for making me feel so loved and supported.

Thanks to my friends at EMA, my office looks like a fall festival!

 

I love this! Thank you, Wally.

 

On Thursday we’re heading to NYC to mark something off of Mom’s bucket list: seeing Barbra Streisand in concert. I cannot wait to see Mom’s face -- alive with child-like excitement -- to see her favorite performer. We are going to have SO MUCH FUN!

Cue the Steve Winwood song, “Back In the High Life Again”.