It's been a year

It was a year ago today I found out I had a brain tumor. I went in for the MRI, dressed to go on to work, not thinking it was anything. Afterwards, they asked me to stop in to see my neurologist across the hall. Still didn't think anything could be wrong. Never had an MRI before, so to me, this was standard operating procedure.

The doc saw me right away. He didn't mince words. It was a mass. A lesion. A tumor. A brain tumor.

I crumbled. How was I going to tell my family? They didn't deserve this worrisome burden.

Tad wasn't with me. Again, we really thought this was going to be nothing. So I was alone, trying to make sense of this life-changing information. My neurologist handed me a box of tissues and a referral to the neurosurgeon a few blocks away. "They'll squeeze you in if you go now," the doc said.

I considered calling Tad to join me at the neurosurgeon's office, but how do you call your beloved and say, "Hey. Can you meet me across town at Dr. So and So's office? He's a neurosurgeon. Because the MRI shows I have a brain tumor."

I worried he couldn't take the news and drive there without getting panicked, lost, or worse.

So I went to the appointment alone. I sat in the neurosurgeon's office with tears streaming down my face, but trying not to look like the girl who just got bad news. There were other patients waiting that I needed to be strong for (or so I thought). I read pamphlets on brain tumors in the waiting room. It was all so surreal.

Finally, after 45 min or so of waiting, the doctor saw me. He seemed very hopeful and tried to keep me calm and positive. I was 6 months pregnant after all. He told me that Elizabeth Taylor had a brain tumor once. And hers didn't take her life.

The appointment was over. I drove myself home. And called Tad to meet me at home. I can't remember if I told him over the phone or in person. I just remember him sitting with me on our sofa. The Christmas tree was up. We sat, cried, and hugged in disbelief.

Then I had to call the rest of my family. This was going to be awful. Needless to say it was gut-wrenching. To put them through so much, on the heels of Mom's scary cancer diagnosis, during Christmas; it wasn't fair.

It's hard to believe that was a year ago.

I've been very emotional this week, leading up to the one-year mark. But today, not sure why, I have my feet under me.  I suppose it's good to reflect on hard times to see how God stays with you, no matter what. To see how far He will bring you, if you just trust. To see how He will bless you, if you just look for Him. One day at a time.