It's been a year

It was a year ago today I found out I had a brain tumor. I went in for the MRI, dressed to go on to work, not thinking it was anything. Afterwards, they asked me to stop in to see my neurologist across the hall. Still didn't think anything could be wrong. Never had an MRI before, so to me, this was standard operating procedure.

The doc saw me right away. He didn't mince words. It was a mass. A lesion. A tumor. A brain tumor.

I crumbled. How was I going to tell my family? They didn't deserve this worrisome burden.

Tad wasn't with me. Again, we really thought this was going to be nothing. So I was alone, trying to make sense of this life-changing information. My neurologist handed me a box of tissues and a referral to the neurosurgeon a few blocks away. "They'll squeeze you in if you go now," the doc said.

I considered calling Tad to join me at the neurosurgeon's office, but how do you call your beloved and say, "Hey. Can you meet me across town at Dr. So and So's office? He's a neurosurgeon. Because the MRI shows I have a brain tumor."

I worried he couldn't take the news and drive there without getting panicked, lost, or worse.

So I went to the appointment alone. I sat in the neurosurgeon's office with tears streaming down my face, but trying not to look like the girl who just got bad news. There were other patients waiting that I needed to be strong for (or so I thought). I read pamphlets on brain tumors in the waiting room. It was all so surreal.

Finally, after 45 min or so of waiting, the doctor saw me. He seemed very hopeful and tried to keep me calm and positive. I was 6 months pregnant after all. He told me that Elizabeth Taylor had a brain tumor once. And hers didn't take her life.

The appointment was over. I drove myself home. And called Tad to meet me at home. I can't remember if I told him over the phone or in person. I just remember him sitting with me on our sofa. The Christmas tree was up. We sat, cried, and hugged in disbelief.

Then I had to call the rest of my family. This was going to be awful. Needless to say it was gut-wrenching. To put them through so much, on the heels of Mom's scary cancer diagnosis, during Christmas; it wasn't fair.

It's hard to believe that was a year ago.

I've been very emotional this week, leading up to the one-year mark. But today, not sure why, I have my feet under me.  I suppose it's good to reflect on hard times to see how God stays with you, no matter what. To see how far He will bring you, if you just trust. To see how He will bless you, if you just look for Him. One day at a time.

Quick update

Hi everyone! Thanks for all your continued prayers, love and good wishes. They are working.

My first round of chemo (Nov 12 - Nov 16) went fine. No nausea, fatigue or other side effects that were too bad. Praise the Lord! We are living our lives, super excited about Christmas, and really enjoying SGB and all of our blessings.

Had my blood work done last Thursday to determine if the first round of chemo impacted my white blood cell count and if we can continue with the next round. All my labs looked good, so we'll start round two this week.

Please know how much your prayers mean to me and my family. We are so grateful to you and the good Lord!

Merry Christmas and lots of love!

Sydney, 8 months, loves to Christmas shop!

 

Sydney's first Christmas tree! The next shot was of her putting the needles she pulled off in her mouth. :-(

Impeccable news

"Your MRI looks terrific." "Impeccable." "One of the best I've ever seen". -- Dr. Alfredo Voloschin

Praise the Lord! My scan was clear!

I start chemo (Temodar) next week as a measure to prevent the growth of any abnormal cells. The doc said that 95% of patients do perfectly well on Temodar. Common side effects are nausea and fatigue. But it's really a pretty tolerable chemotherapy.

I'm so thankful for all your prayers! God is so good!

Much love and gratitude,
Kim

Truly living life

Before my diagnosis, I used to pray that God would help get me through the day. As a Type A personality, I was focused on being productive, successful, and accomplishing everything on my long list of to dos. My image needed to reflect that too. It was important to me to have the right clothes and the right answers.

I don't think any human being is created for this purpose (certainly not me), so I was constantly feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and sometimes depressed. Not to say that I didn't also have a great capacity to enjoy good times. I loved (and still do) parties, outdoor music shows, good food, good drink, vacations, fashion, celebrity gossip -- and mindless magazines about all of these things. But I don't rely on them as an antidote for my daily routine.

Now, I see things differently. Thank God. I don't take my life for granted or wish days away. I actually get what a gift life is -- even when it's not easy. In that way, my brain cancer has saved my life.

Tomorrow I get the results of my latest MRI. And start chemotherapy. No matter the results, I know I will be better off than before my diagnosis. That's the beauty of truly living life. Thanks be to God.

  

Sweet kitty at 7 months

 

 

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Radiation - DONE!

Today I had the last of my radiation treatments. 30 treatments – DONE!

While I’m so glad to be done, I will miss the extraordinary staff at Emory Winship who treated me. Dr. Crocker, Greg, Tech who always asked about Sydney, Mark, Orica (aka “Exercise Angel”) – you all have left a profound mark on my head (smile), and on my heart. I’m blessed to have been cared for by you all.

Me and the fab rad tech Greg Corn.
He used to joke that if he was a girl,
his parents would've named him Candy.

 

Today I opened the last links of my blessings chain. How wonderful it was to see this artwork from my nephew Joel with the words, “U made it!”

 

To all of you who have been praying that my treatments would be gentle and that God would carry me, your prayers were answered. Thanks be to God! When giving me my completion papers today, Dr. Crocker told me that most of his patients don’t do as well as I did. Without a doubt, I know it was the prayers.

I started back at work (part-time) last week, and wow – what a warm reception I came in to! Hugs, flowers, cards, special notes, balloons, and food!  Thank you to my dear friends at EMA for making me feel so loved and supported.

Thanks to my friends at EMA, my office looks like a fall festival!

 

I love this! Thank you, Wally.

 

On Thursday we’re heading to NYC to mark something off of Mom’s bucket list: seeing Barbra Streisand in concert. I cannot wait to see Mom’s face -- alive with child-like excitement -- to see her favorite performer. We are going to have SO MUCH FUN!

Cue the Steve Winwood song, “Back In the High Life Again”.

 

 

 

A good problem to have

The italicized portion of this post I began last Thursday. The rest is from today.

Finally I can say I have more radiation treatments behind me than ahead of me. Woo hoo!

I’m back on Keppra and feeling like my old self. Thank you, God! No more night terrors. Or wondering if I need to go to the emergency room because I feel heart-attacky.

Four weeks into radiation (only 2 more to go!) and I’m feeling very well.  A little bald in the front left quadrant of my head, but thankfully my bangs + a headband help me whip up a pretty convincing comb-over. I ordered a wig, but I only plan to wear it when this comb-over starts looking pathetic. Could be any day now. J

I’m insanely overwhelmed by those who are supporting Team Kim. My biggest stress currently is keeping up with thank you notes and correspondence. I’ve done a pitiful job, actually. You probably know this if you’ve sent a gift …

… or participated in any thoughtful gesture where a response of some kind would be appropriate. I’m so sorry. My reason isn’t an excuse but just an explanation:  I’m so inadequate at expressing the depths of my love/gratitude/well wishes on paper. That’s why I don’t like giving birthday or anniversary cards. I’m intimidated. For me, it’s like trying to describe a big juicy hug from someone you love so much. I could go on for pages and never feel satisfied that I captured it.

But, we have to do a lot of things in life that intimidate us. So I’m putting on my big girl pants and diving in head first. Thank you notes, here I come!

What a good "problem" to have. I’m so incredibly blessed by all of your love, prayers and support.

I treasure my blessings chain messages. Every one. I’d like to share part of one, from a dear friend, that I’m reminded of when I feel shaken.

“There are times when, without any anger in his heart, but with designs of love toward them, God treats his children outwardly, as if he were an enemy to them. See the gardener going up to that beautiful tree. He takes out a sharp knife, feels its edge to be sure that it is keen, and then he begins pruning it here, gashing it there, and making it bleed in another place, as if he were going to cut it all to pieces. Yet all that is not because he has any anger against the tree, but, on the contrary, because he greatly values it, and wishes it to bring forth more fruit than it has ever done. Do not think that God’s sharpest knife means death to his loved ones; it means more life, and richer fuller life.” – Charles Spurgeon

 

A special shout out to my dad. Hearing of my hair loss, he shaved his head in solidarity. Thanks Dad!

 

 

Team Kim

If you are friends or acquaintances with Jamie Stephens or Casey Palascak, you know how blessed you are. I met these amazing women at the University of Alabama in 1994. They are the real deal. Generous, loyal, and *fuh-uuun*!

They have done so much for me since I met them, but nothing compares to founding Team Kim.

Jamie, Casey (pregnant with Wesley), and I (pregnant with Sydney).
January 2012 in Carmel, CA.  

Team Kim is a group they created to show support for me and my family in our journey with brain cancer. The goal is raise $10,000 toward finding a cure. There are official webpages and everything. How awesome, right? I am so humbled by their friendship, support, and acts.

To learn more about Team Kim and ABC2's (Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure) Publix marathon/half marathon in Atlanta on March 17, 2013 (which I'm somehow going to run/walk/crawl):

visit the Team Kim Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/teamkimroberts

or, go to the ABC2 events page: http://events.abc2.org/site/TR?pg=team&fr_id=1110&team_id=3670

There you can find information on how to donate, how to register for the marathon/half, and how to contact Jamie and Casey and tell them how awesome they are.






Jamie with the two preggers -- me and Casey
January 2012

Thanks so much to Casey, Jamie and all who support our family. I love you guys!



Biscuit Gallery

Ready for school!

 On the go, with her first boo boo on the noggin. :(

 

On way to Mass with bracelet from the Demings
and pew doll from the Stephens